they say life is what you make it.

21. lost. confused. looking for a purpose. It's me in a nutshell right now. One minute I think I know exactly what's going on and the next minute I am confused as hell. I don't know what I'm to expect next and sometimes i guess that's okay. I spent my birthday thinking about my life. Time goes by so fast. I would have never thought a year ago I would have my first birthday without my brother. We share every birthday together. On his birthday I went with his friends to a Japanese restaurant thinking how cool my brother was in his days here on earth. For some reason sober couldn't eat his rice(my brother loved rice), I wasn't able to drink at the restaurant because i wasn't 21 yet( my brother did not want me to drink on my 21st birthday, haha. He told me a year ago. I wasn't able to drink on his or my birthday). I miss him but I do believe this place called life and the universe has many twist and turns. I'm not afraid to die anymore just because I know my brother has already died. I feel if there is something beyond this place he'll be there to welcome me. I use to be terrified to die. Now, I know it is something that will happen and I should learn to find peace and God. Then, take my last breathe with dignity.

On a happier note, I think i am going to minor in justice instead of spanish, in addition to my major. Wish me luck! Also, the guy i call my lobster...we're trying to work things out. I know trust and a few things between us need working on but I am willing to work us out. I love him.

So, it's summer and I'm still here. Ready to learn. Ready to get paid 360. And ready to make my dreams realities. I'm not getting any younger so I better start making progress. I'd like to be rich at least once this lifetime. :-P

Oh, and to start on my new outlook on life...i'm cutting my moss-like hair. Watch out Ms. H Berry...there's a new short haired divah in the house.


By the way, I watched Oprah's interview with Elizabeth Edwards and I agree with this remark:

"I blame John, but of course I – women need to have more respect for other women...I have created this life. This is a life I have put together. It takes a lot of work to put together a marriage, to put together a family, and you spend a lot of time trying to do that, and you can't just say, "I like the way that looks,' and knock on the door and say, "I'm in, you're out.'...Don't just come in and take somebody else's life.''

women need to stop wanting what other women have worked hard to create and keep stable. I hate women who cheat with married men because they want that lifestyle. HE WILL NEVER BE WITH YOU THE WAY YOU THINK. IF HE CHEATS ON HIS PRESENT WIFE WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WILL DO WITH YOU?! UMMMM, CHEAT. IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

it makes me ashamed to be a woman sometimes. Get your own...why are you riding mines? It's from a lil kim song. I'd knock my cheating husband and his ho's out as while. I hate when men think with their penises. However, they say guys can't help it...right.