I know.

I went on a nature run/walk for 3hrs. Just going, not really knowing exactly where. It was great! It made me think, very much. I want someone back in my life,but I have changed in a positive way. I'm afraid if the person hasn't changed att all, no growth, i might drag myself back to a place I never want to go back to again. A place where I thought there was something missing, something i was doing horribly wrong. My dad told me never turn back.

I listened to the ciara song never ever. I love ciara's music! well, i'm trying to figure out if he does care or not. I have not had the best luck with men. I always think a little larger and I can easily stay loyal to a guy who treats me right. I stay loyal to the one's that don't deserve it as well. It's time to look for better. Actually my father says just keep myself together and a good man will come. I feel i have been mentally and physically kept together in general. I still haven't found a guy who cares, not just for my body. I am only bringing a guy to meet my family when I feel that love is mutual.

I'm worried giving him a chance might relapse me to a time I hated myself and felt I wasn't enough. I don't want that. But i realize I am the only one who allowed myself in that predicament. I am in control of my life! So, I hope I can bring him in my life. He says there isn't anyone else and I believe him this time! I really do. I don't know if that's love but it's a step. I hope my father is wrong and that he is worth my time. :-)